The M word

A commercial I saw recently leads me to pick up (though somewhat tangentially) from where I left off the last time. I ended that post with a link to the ever eloquent Tamil Punkster’s post on Hindu culture’s attitude towards menstruation and menstruating women, which if you haven’t read already, you should.

Anyway, things on this side of the world aren’t much different. I saw a Midol commercial a few days back and okay, have you heard their tagline? It’s ‘Reverse the Curse’. Really. ‘The Curse’. You’d think we women spent 3 (or more) days every month incarcerated in a windowless room forced to listen to Bryan Adams. ON-REPEAT. And at the end of all that the men had the babies anyway. I mean, ‘The Curse’? Come on. At first I wasn’t paying much to attention to the voice-over, or even the actual commercial though I vaguely perceived a woman skipping along the shore of a beach all giggly because, well yeah, that is exactly what us chicks like to do when we’re not menstruating. And then – “Midol, Reverse the Curse!”, proclaims a disembodied voice.

I don’t get it. I mean, yes it’s not exactly rainbows and butterflies when the womb is all crampy and spewing out blood but what is so “The Curse” about it? It’s just as natural and essential a process as any of women’s other bodily functions and well, no menstrual cycle = no mankind. So then maybe our wombs are a bad thing after all, seeing as how most of mankind is so sexist, racist and homophobic. But that’s besides the point.

So why the wrinkled noses at the very mention of periods? Why the immature whining and name calling?

The Status Quo

Why do some women go out of their way to accommodate the most unreasonable expectations when it’s clear how unfair it is? I once had a friend who, in the months leading up to her wedding, had little or no contact with her fiancé. It was a long distance relationship as it was and it was, for reasons I cannot understand (given the abject lack of communication), heading towards a marriage. She wasn’t vocal about it but her frustration was palpable. Everyone kept telling her to hang on just a few more months and then she’d get to be with him. And she did. I’m not in a position to comment on their marriage today but I can bet anything she’s putting in much more than her fair share to keep that happily ever after going.

I once asked her why she tolerated this. In a matter-of-fact tone which belied the egregiousness of her statement, she remarked that this was just how it was with men in general, especially so in our culture (referring to how we’re Indian women and all) and that our needs would just have to be sidelined for theirs. It wasn’t fair, she admitted when I pressed her out of both disbelief and concern for her. “But that’s just how it’s always been- Might as well just accept it and make the best of it.” She also said that she used to question this but has now learnt to accept the status quo for the sake of the smooth running of the marriage. She spoke of this acceptance as if it were a mark of the maturity she’d acquired through the difficulties of the relationship. “I have learnt the hard way that demanding equality with a man is impractical. I’ve understood the differences now and I’m really happy, especially now that we’re married and together. More than I’ve ever been”.

I don’t know about you but this attitude, coming from such an educated and otherwise intelligent young woman, scares me. Worse still, she is not alone. I have heard many young women take the same stance, passively accepting the inequalities in their relationships, because well, they’re not the only ones. Male supremacy has been so deeply institutionalized in our culture that anything other than quiet deference to your husband’s priorities is tantamount to blasphemy.

But why are we clinging on so desperately to a culture that so blatantly discriminates between the sexes? I mean, this is a culture that has, for thousands of years till today, deemed women unclean and unfit to be in the company of during something so natural and normal as menstrual periods, when there is absolutely no scientific or logical basis for such a stigma. Why are so many thinking women even today, so reluctant to change the status quo that they would rather let such hateful behaviour pass for cultural norms?

Hello

This is the third time I’m doing this. My first blog was all silly and then my second one was ridiculously serious and bordering on pretentious. So what with the third time being a charm and all that, I figured I’d give it another shot and see if I can marry substance and the lack of it and make this work.

Speaking of marry, I just watched that episode of friends where Phoebe marries Mike and to my intense delight found that they walk down the aisle to ‘Here, There and Everywhere’. I squealed a little.

Ok, now I just have to take care of the substance part.